Green Eyes
by Checkerboards
Summary: Everybody wants to rule the world. Well, Ra's al Ghul and Poison Ivy do, at any rate. Too bad for them that their plans didn't account for everyone's favorite lovesick assassin...
1. Get Out Of My Cave!

_Foreword: Look, the official Batverse has turned into a soap opera. Talia's been tortured and killed a bunch of times and knocked up (seriously, what is with the Batverse ladies and babies recently? Catwoman, Talia...Harley Quinn's going to wind up having green-haired little twins, I bet. I wonder if Kittlemeier does maternity wear). My point here is that, like most of my portrayals of the rogues, this Talia is 'classic Talia', just like she used to be in the good old days. If you're not on board with that, just pretend that Superboy Prime punched the Batverse back to a few years before we were crisised and crossovered to death._

* * *

It had been a long day. Rather, it had been a long _night_ that had transitioned seamlessly into a long day without the chance for Bruce to grab a nap. Part of him hated these nights. The other part of him reveled in the chance to look at the sunrise and think of just how much he sacrificed to keep this city safe. (Generally, by that time, the bit of his mind that self-censored such thoughts was out partying in Sleep Deprivation Central at that point. ) 

He'd spent this particular long night following a trail of clues across the city. Apparently the Riddler had been bored recently, given the sheer number of riddles that blanketed the city. Each riddle led to another in a seemingly endless treasure hunt. By dawn, he still hadn't gotten to the end of the trail. He'd grudgingly picked up the last one - neatly encased in a doughnut box laying insolently under the Batsignal - and taken it home with him for further study.

Of course, further study would have to wait until he took care of Bruce Wayne's business. And since Mr. Wayne had to attend several important meetings that day, the Riddler's box of clues ended up abandoned in the Batcave until he could get to it.

The overwhelming line-up of meetings filled an entire page in his dayplanner. He scowled down at it in the privacy of his office. Nothing sucked the soul out of a man faster than having to listen to his subordinates bicker about minutia while he knew that there were better things he could be doing. Catching the Riddler was at the top of that list, naturally. But really, he thought as he watched yet another accountant yattering on about nothing in particular, he could have spent his day tongue-washing 2nd street and accomplished more than he had in all the meetings today combined.

The business day had finally ground to a halt at around five. This particular meeting, which had all the indications that it could go on for hours yet, did not need him. Being a figurehead was fine, but being an _ignored _figurehead was a colossal waste of time.

He had a plan, though. (He always had a plan. If Martha Stewart popped up in town and threatened to blow up the world, rest assured that he already Had A Plan to deal with it and could take care of everything without breaking a sweat.) He pressed the secret little button on his phone. A chirpy little ringtone blared into the room of peeved executives. He grinned sheepishly at them, answered the "incoming call", and strolled out of the room whispering sweet nothings into an empty line.

He was already thinking about the riddle trail as he trotted down the stairs to the cave. There hadn't been a single cohesive thread to them..._yet_. Maybe the doughnut-box clue would yield up some kind of common theme to them all so that he could sort this out and get the Riddler back into Arkham where he belonged.

He strode into the main area of the cave, half-wondering why the lights were dimmed. A shadow moved in the darkness, holding the Riddler's doughnut box. "Alfred, I want you to..."

Bruce's request died, unspoken, as the shadow stepped forward into the light. Oh no. Not her. Not today. "Get out," Bruce snarled at the intruder.

Glimmering green eyes blinked at him, ignoring his anger. "Hello, beloved."

"Get_ out_," Bruce repeated, folding his arms for added emphasis.

Talia al Ghul toyed with the box, slipping a finger under a cardboard flap. "Are you really that eager to race after that green-suited lunatic?"

He snatched the box from her hands and set it down on a table. "Out."

"Beloved, I need your help."

Bruce sighed and rubbed his forehead with one exasperated palm. It was always the same with her. 'Oh, Beloved, Father's doing something dreadful and I need you to stop him...that is, until he tells me to stop _you_, at which point I'll stab you in the back.' He thought he'd made it perfectly clear that she should stop doing this. "Talia, just go."

"But Beloved-"

"Stop _calling me that_!" he growled, suddenly getting a whole new kind of empathy with the Joker, listening to Harley's constant 'Puddin', Puddin', Puddin''...He twitched that thought firmly away. He _definitely_ needed a nap if he was thinking things like _that_. "What is it now, Talia?" he asked wearily. "What's his big scheme this time?"

Talia twisted her hands together. "It's that...that _sharmouta_," she spat.

A woman? Ra's didn't _do_ women. Wait a minute...he ran that sentence through his sleep-deprived brain once more and turned it into 'Ra's didn't _work with_ women.' Ra's didn't think women were capable of doing much more than producing sons.

"She's ruining everything!" Talia sulked. "Father said that she was to be trusted in all things, but I cannot believe that he meant _this_!"

Bruce watched her carefully as she indulged herself in a little verbal tantrum. He had loved her once. He had truly believed that she loved him too, maybe enough to outweigh her loyalty to her father. But eventually, after more betrayals than he cared to think about, she had inadvertantly made it very clear that Ra's came first and would_ always_ come first in her affections.

And after a lot of nights perched on rooftops, thinking about it, he'd come to the conclusion that their arrogance - the very same arrogance that was currently making Talia foam ever so slightly at the mouth - made them idiotic. They knew he had a brain under that cowl - didn't Ra's always refer to him as 'Detective'? - so why didn't they think he'd pick up on the pattern of betrayal? Lab rats don't push levers after taking an electric shock or two.

Everyone needs to believe something. Talia obviously needed to believe that he still loved and trusted her. But she hadn't been so bold as to invade his home in over a year! What could possibly have pushed her buttons to this extent?

"...and she's simply unnatural," Talia finished. "Really, how Father could associate himself with a...a _monstrosity_ like that is unthinkable."

"Who is this woman, Talia?" he asked.

She sighed dramatically. "You would know her best, Beloved, as Poison Ivy."

Bruce's brain shut down for a moment in shock. "What?"

"Pamela Isley," she clarified.

That didn't make any _sense_. Poison Ivy got along with people just about as well as her namesake did, and Ra's wouldn't even be able to consider the idea that a woman might have something worthwhile to contribute to his cause as anything but a minion. Either Talia was out of good ideas to lure him to her father's stronghold (which was likely, since by now she had to be scraping the bottom of the barrel) or the world had gone utterly mad.

He took a seat in the big chair and regarded her coldly. "Tell me what happened."

(_to be continued_)

* * *

_Author's Note: That line about the lab rats was taken from Worm Quartet's 'Great Idea for a Song', which incidentally sums up Batman's feeling about Talia pretty well, come to think of it._


	2. Storytime

Running a cult bent on world domination was harder than it looked. Oh, it was easy enough to keep the men in line - the al Ghuls had several hundred years of experience with turning men into mindless drones - but there were always issues with pesky law enforcement types who just didn't understand that certain things needed to be done. The environment had to be saved, regardless of how many useless humans had to be eliminated. Nature was _important_.

A run-in with a particularly irritating example of these ignorant men had led the al Ghuls to temporarily abandon their desert hideaway in favor of one located in a less aggressive territory. Since they were known to favor the empty deserts, Ra's had cunningly relocated them to a lush oasis. The men were pleased with the change in scenery, not that it really mattered, and Talia had taken the opportunity to put forth a new plan to her darling Daddy.

Amazingly, he'd listened to her. Even more amazingly, he'd actually agreed to give the plan some thought! And after a few days of deliberating, he presented her with her new marching orders. He'd taken the little seed of an idea that she'd given him and grown it into his typical breed of twisty political intrigue. The new plan didn't much resemble what she'd handed over, any more than the typical chunk of coal resembled a diamond, but she'd beamed with pride at the thought that she had provided something useful to the cause no matter how minute.

As always, when Ra's had a new plan, the compound buzzed with activity. Talia spent her time badgering the men into working harder, faster, always hoping for that one shining moment when Ra's would lay his hand on her shoulder and tell her that he was proud of her. She threw herself into work - not _physical_ labor, of course, that was too menial - but she organized and planned and drove the men onward for glory.

The second sentry shift had not reported in from the east entrance. Talia trotted up the numerous flights of stairs, a clipboard tucked in the crook of her arm. She crept up to the second story and eased herself slightly out of a window to peer down at the sentries. If they were gaming, or gossiping...Her mouth dropped into a little O of astonishment as she realized that they were _sleeping_!

This was intolerable! She rolled out of the window and landed lightly on the ground below, dipping silently to the ground before stalking over to the men. They sprawled haphazardly on the ground, piled together like so much firewood, each with a starry, dreamy expression on his face.

"Get up!" Talia demanded shrilly.

The men lazily eyed her. "Of course," they agreed placidly as they rose.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"It's all right," one of the men assured her, eyes glazed. "The lady said we could sit down."

"What lady?!"

A stupid-looking grin that indicated almost lethally happy memories drifted onto each of their faces. "The lady."

"Where is she?" Talia demanded.

The man gazed longingly into the building. "She said we had to wait here..."

Idiots! Fools! She stormed into the hideaway, clutching the clipboard with white-knuckled fingers. How _dare_ they let a stranger in?! What was the _matter_ with them? Well, it was nothing a swift beheading wouldn't fix...

It was easy to follow the stranger's trail. Little grains of stray dirt and smudgy footprints marred the shining linoleum. And, of course, the never-ending parade of minions with that same irritatingly happy grin slumped on the floors was a certain giveaway.

The smudge marks on the linoleum led to the main control room. Talia threw the door open and strode inside.

"Leave us, daughter," Ra's said coolly, not bothering to look at her. He stood by his desk, sipping a goblet of wine. Seated on the desk, a matching goblet dangling from her fingers, was Poison Ivy, who was looking at her with thinly veiled amusement.

"But Father, that's Poison Ivy! She is one of the Batman's enemies-"

"I am fully aware of that, daughter." He took another sip of wine before focusing on her. "She managed to evade all of your guards with no alarm being raised. Such talents could be...useful."

Talia burned hot with embarrassed anger. She could have gotten past those guards in her _sleep_ and not had to drug them into submission! "Father-"

"We are discarding the previous plan," he interrupted, setting down his glass.

_Her_ plan. "What?" she asked, disbelievingly.

"We hardly need to worry about bringing down governments from the inside when we can do it from the outside in a much more..._spectacular_ fashion," he explained, glancing sidelong at Ivy. Ivy took a drink of her wine, eyes sparkling with merry mischief as she saw Talia tense with fury.

"Father, she-"

"I will hear no dissent from you!" he snapped. "You are to bow to her wishes as you would to mine."

With visions of her future crumbling into dust yet again, she dropped her gaze. "Yes, Father." She turned and hurried from the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

That...that_ witch_ had destroyed her plans! She ground her teeth at the thought of it. How _dare_ someone else take her place! The edges of the clipboard bit into her hand. With a curse, she tossed the useless thing away from her, spinning on her heel and stalking away as the loose pages of her former plan fluttered to the ground.

* * *

Talia lived through the following weeks in a ferociously bad temper. She fetched fertilizers from the nearest major city and helped to carry them up the stairs at the request of the plant-witch. (And later, as she took a fifth shower to try and cleanse the stench of offal from her skin, she bit her lip and tried to convince herself that Father knew what he was doing.) She filched plants and seeds from greenhouses, repeating to herself that Father knows best, Father knows best. 

She had to rely on the fact that Ra's knew what he was doing. He had to know. He never locked her out of the control room unless he was really concentrating on a goal, and she'd been locked out for weeks.

She eventually drew up the courage to go knock on the door again. Chin high, she strode through the hallways, ignoring the men as they leaped out of her way. The hallway leading to the control room was strangely silent. Heart pounding, she knocked on the door.

It swung open under her fist. The room was dark and empty. "Father!" she gasped, turning and racing through the halls. The plant-witch had been up on the third floor the last time they'd met...she flew up the stairs and pounded down the hallway.

"Father?" she called.

"You're a noisy one, aren't you?" Talia whirled to confront the owner of that maddeningly drawled voice.

"Where is my father?" she demanded.

"He's in here," Ivy answered with a little smile on her face.

"I demand to see him!"

"He's busy," Ivy purred. "Aren't you busy, Ra's dear?" she called through the door.

"Busy," he responded.

"Too busy to see your daughter?"

"Too busy to see my daughter."

Ivy shrugged and smiled at Talia again. "Maybe next time." She flicked her hand at Talia. "Now be a dear and get me some water."

"I am not leaving until I see my father!" she shouted.

"Your father doesn't want to see you!" Ivy snapped back. "Take the hint, little girl."

"I will not be kept from him!" Talia shrieked, balling her hands into fists.

"He's your father, not your boyfriend," Ivy pointed out.

"He's not your _boyfriend_ either!" Talia spat.

A truly sadistic smile quirked up the corners of Ivy's mouth. "Isn't he?"

Talia shoved her out of the way and flung the door open. A mass of greenery, filling the doorway, spilled out into the hall. Vines snaked their way around her waist and shoved her back. "Oh, dear," Ivy said, chuckling. "It looks like my babies don't want you here either."

The vines whipped her to the side, spinning her round in a circle as if they were dancing with her. When she finally skidded to a halt, arms flung wide for balance, Ivy had disappeared into the folds of the greenery. "Ta-ta!" she said, waving as the vines clicked the door closed.

Talia glowered at the door. If _she_ couldn't get in to see her father, she knew someone who could. Someone who had vast amounts of experience dealing with the plant-witch. Someone who had helped her in the past. After all, no man could turn down a plea from the woman he loved...

* * *

"...and so you must help me, Beloved," Talia finished. "I don't know what she's done to my father but it must stop!" 

Bruce had a fairly good idea of what had happened to Ra's. Miss Pheromones had obviously taken it upon herself to sneak into the leadership of Ra's al Ghul's organization to further her own agenda. A horde of men, easily controllable, a vast amount of money, the ability to get plants from all over the world...they were the perfect pawns.

He rose to his feet. "We can leave as soon as I'm ready."

"Oh, Beloved!" Talia exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

He unwound her arms from around his neck and headed for the Batsuit vault. It seemed a little more crowded than usual...With a gentle shove, he nudged Talia out and firmly locked the door behind him.

(_to be continued_)


	3. A Proper Lady

The sleek black Batplane cut through the sky like a machete through a snowman. The small craft had two seats, placed in front of one another. Normally, Robin took the backseat...but Robin wasn't here. Instead, Talia al Ghul sat right behind him, making the muscles in his neck tense ever so slightly with every sound she made, and continuing in her neverending diatribe about Poison Ivy.

"And a _proper_ lady wouldn't strut about in such revealing attire, if you could _call_ it that," Talia sniffed haughtily.

_So, nothing like your old bellydancing rig, then_? Batman asked himself silently.

"And she just keeps _pestering_ Father. She won't leave him alone so that he can work!"

..._Projecting much, Talia?_

"And she-"

"Talia," he cut her off, "I have dealt with Poison Ivy before. I know what she's like."

She shifted sulkily in her seat. He could hear the little containers of herbicide that he'd armed her with clanking into one another as she moved. She'd informed him that Ivy was breeding a new race of plants to kill off humanity - like _that_ was a surprise - and that she had at least fifty prototype plants half-grown at their hideout.

On one hand, it was good that Talia constantly dragged him off to mess up her father's schemes. He didn't have to bother with tracking him down, since Talia always obligingly led him straight to the lair. On the other hand, he'd gladly spend his time tracking Ra's if it meant that Talia would just leave him alone. He was sick of dealing with her. Five hours trapped in a plane with her hadn't helped.

A pointing hand with perfectly manicured fingernails appeared to the left of his head. "There, Beloved. The control room is at the top of the building."

Now that was odd. Normally Ra's buried the control room under layers of hallways and barracks and the occasional trap or two. Of course, no mere wall that shot arrows could ever compare with the walking betrayal that was Talia.

"You're sure?" he grunted.

"That_female_ made him move it so she could be closer to the sun."

Batman nodded and gently slid the aircraft down to the ground. If Ivy had managed to get Ra's to change his thinking...well, he had a pretty fair idea about what was going on.

In a matter of minutes, Batman had grapneled them up to the rooftop. They crept toward a greenhouse that adjoined the little room. Plants crowded up to the clear glass and spread wide, green leaves to catch what little sun filtered through the neighboring wild trees. Batman easily identified them as fairly harmless examples of rare flora - probably the plants that Ivy couldn't bear to leave behind - and set to slicing through the glass. A slightly irregular oval of glass about the size of a large pig fell quietly into Talia's waiting hands. They did work marvelously well together. It was a shame that she had to be completely insane.

They sidled through the greenhouse, carefully avoiding every one of the plants that laid haphazard tendrils of vine in their path. Since Ivy wasn't around, they stayed inert - but that didn't mean that Ivy couldn't stroll out and interrupt them mid-sneak. After an eternity of carefully avoiding harmless houseplants, they arrived at the solid wooden door that Talia assured him led to the new control room. It was locked and, when Batman rattled the door ever so slightly, the sound revealed that it was barred as well. Someone had taken great care to make sure that no one would burst in on whatever was happening in there.

Well, so much for subtlety. With one kick, he slammed the door open.

The first thing he saw was Poison Ivy, lounging happily on what looked like a hammock made of vines. A curling tendril held a tall glass of water. She rested, feet crossed at the ankles, her back to Batman and Talia, so totally wrapped up in whatever she was doing that she hadn't noticed the crack of snapping wood as Batman had let himself in.

Talia's gasp of utter horror alerted him to the fact that Ivy was not alone. Ra's was there, alive and well, stretching up on tiptoe to water a hanging plant. He had expected that. There was no way Ra's would have had anything to do with Ivy without the assistance of some serious pheromones, and Ivy was not above using her cohorts as slave labor. The thing that made his brain shut down for a moment, though, was the fact that Ra's was wearing a rather brief French maid's uniform, complete with fishnet stockings and a little lacy hat. His shiny black high heels clicked happily on the floor as he continued watering, ignoring his visitors.

Apparently Ra's wasn't a proper lady either. And from the experienced way he was sashaying around in those ludicrously high heels, he hadn't been one for some time.

The human mind is wired to respond in very specific ways under certain stimuli. When presented with a tasty dish of pasta, the average human will start feeling hungry. When presented with a snarling lion, the average human will either soil themselves, run away, or both at the same time. And when presented with a psychotic mind-controlling plant-witch, the average devoted loving daughter will shriek like an injured banshee and launch herself directly at the interloper.

Of course, the problem with launching oneself at a plant-witch reclining in a hammock of vines is that the vines are no longer an inanimate object. This was made abundantly clear when the ends of the hammock unwound and lashed around Talia like an angered kraken awaking from the deeps. The two women and the mass of vines rolled and thrashed on the floor as Talia did her very best to take off Ivy's head or any available portion of her anatomy.

Batman took a moment to sidle over to Ra's and look him over. He stood there, staring vacantly at the fight, the watering can pouring a steady stream of water on the floor. Ra's seemed okay, well, fairly so - as okay as a forcibly crossdressed and mind-controlled cult leader could ever be - and he decided to let Talia work some of her excess energy off in the wrestling match that now had them rolling over and over on the floor before he intervened. The two of them were pretty evenly matched, since Ivy had a never-ending supply of plants and Talia was fueled with a never-ending supply of disgusted rage, and they could try their best to beat hell out of one another fairly harmlessly for a few minutes.

The fight finally ended with Ivy sprawled, panting, sweaty and scratched, on the floor, with Talia held aloft in a nest of vines much like a chandelier.

Ivy panted on the floor for a moment, splay legged and undignified. She tossed her sweat-dampened hair over her shoulder and only then caught a glimpse of the Batman, standing solidly in the wreckage of the greenhouse door. She instantly wrenched herself into something approximating a sexy position and cooed "Hello, Batman."

Too little, too late. "It's over, Ivy."

"Is it?' she purred. Batman felt a set of vines caressing his back, wrapping around his cape - the very cape that he had lovingly saturated with the strongest herbicides known to man. The vines withered and dropped to the floor, browned and dead.

Ivy snarled and went for his throat. He'd managed to face down the greatest martial artists in the world, so a rage-crazed botanist wasn't much of a challenge. As he idly batted her away, Talia was furiously thrashing in the clump of vines, spreading herbicides through the knot of greenery trying to strangle her.

She landed on the ground with a _whump_ and rushed toward them. Batman registered the thump but didn't pay it much mind, since it was at about that point that Ivy decided to try and scratch his eyes out through his cowl. It took a mere three minutes of furious activity before he had her down on the ground, swearing as he pinned her arms together behind her and clipped a set of cuffs firmly in place. When he rose, looking for Talia, she had gone, along with Ra's. He absently pushed Ivy back to the ground as she writhed beneath his foot and considered going after her. But no, it probably wasn't worth it. He'd have to track her all through the building - and by the time he got her, Ivy would probably have disappeared.

Who was the biggest threat? At the moment, it was probably Ivy, who was arching herself like a hooked fish in order to try and kick his knees out from under him. Talia and Ra's would, at the very least, need a few months to get their operation back into shape. They couldn't continue with the whole killer-plant scheme without Ivy's intervention, after all.

Batman took one last look around as he hauled the kicking, spitting botanist up to his shoulder. A tiny, tiny smile twitched into being for a fraction of a second as he saw the elaborate webcam setup in the corner. Whatever plans Ra's might have for world domination would probably come a distant second to getting that footage of himself off of the internet. He noted the website hosting them - for research, of course, to examine Ivy's methods - and, with a quick grapnel trip through the skylight, disappeared.

* * *

_Author's Note: I think I enjoyed this chapter far too much. Oh, Ra's, how_ lovely_ you look...bahaha! I apologize for the lateness of posting - I spent the last two days in a car on the way to the greatest comedy music gathering ever, Marscon, and I couldn't link in to our caravan's wireless connection. (Traveling with geeks is fun.)_

_So, dear readers, tune in next time for a continuation of 'Breaking' and, on next Thursday...the next installment of the Eddie and Jackie saga, lovingly titled "Playing House". See you then!_


End file.
